As I sunk into my pink chenille-covered recliner in my bedroom, I had an inspiration from the Lord to rest and rejuvenate my tired spirit. Daily, I fight battles against the trashy whoredom so prevalent in our culture, and frankly it is exhausting. Even more disturbing, on a spiritual level, I have been assaulted by all the prurient practices perverting our American youth during this time of year: thong bathing suits, string bikinis, relations outside of the protective sheath of marriage and such-like have sullied my inner-eye. Simply put, I have suffered, so when the Lord insisted that I enter into his rest, I did so without hesitation.
The Lord appeared in a cloud of golden-white light. He was wearing modest beach attire: aviator sunglasses, a striped t-shirt, white jeans, and flip-flops. When the light collapsed, he stood there with his arms raised in the attitude of a warm hug. "Gladys," he said, "take a load off. Relax. I'm going to lead you on a spring break wonderland journey."
"That sounds delightful, Lord. I'll start packing." I made a move to stand, but he stopped me.
"No need to pack. I'll lead you. Now, let yourself go limp. Imagine spring break, but make it your way," he said.
"Okay, Lord," I murmured and I snuggled into my soft chair. I unharnessed my imagination to run wild like a powdery-pink, lady mustang.
A beautiful man gave me a restorative apple elixir and a one-piece bathing suit. I think he was Adam or Elijah or someone like that from the Old Testament. It was yummy, and I felt blessed. (See below).
Adam, as I'll call him, gave me another suit, but this one was strapless! "That's fine," I thought to myself. (See below).
I felt a tad peckish, so I imagined myself in rose garden dining on a lunch of turkey wraps and escargot with a man-sized Easter Bunny. Here I am doing that below.
Boy, that was fun! I stared feeling very refreshed, indeed. I decided it would be great to have an enchanted pedicure with Liberace that would make our toenails grow very long and pointed. Of course, he agreed, and here we are below. See him? So gallant!
Finally, I felt so invigorated by all the godly pleasures I had experienced, I decided water-skiing would be grand. Of course, I wore the suit with the straps for this activity. Wow! Check out the massive wake my awesome skis make. (See below).
Thanks to the Lord's rest, I arose from my recliner a new woman, refreshed and powerful, ready to fight all the filthy sinners and sluts who make spring break such a crummy time for the righteous. (See below).
Hallelujah! Here's a little video for your edification. (See below).
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