Dear Adorable Cornish Game Hens from the Lord’s Own Freezer,
As the King James Version of the Bible says, “…for God loveth a cheerful giver [of food].”
I say, why not food? I know, absolutely, that I am doing right in the Eyes of the Lord when I prepare a delicious meal for my precious Dickie. When he is limp with hunger, an invigorating sausage dinner will strengthen him to penetrate all manner of barriers which could seem impassible if he is weakened by starvation. Oh, we, both, do so enjoy a hearty, sausage dinner every Wednesday night after choir practice, and I will brag a little and say that I have become an expert sausage handler as a result of my many hours of manipulating this robust meat into a satisfying flavor explosion!
Whether you prepare your own meals or have a cook do it for you, this is not an area to skimp on ingredients, attention, or your own loving involvement. As my saintly Christian grandmother would say, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Truer words have never been spoken! Whether you have children in your home or you are child free, remember, ultimately, you are cooking to please one person, your husband. As the Bible says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” This includes what you put on the table for dinner. Young wives, do not take the advice of all these foolish trend-followers who say vegetarianism and veganism are best for your family, meaning, husband. These liberal, tree-hugging dummies
of darkness have one goal in mind: destroying the home by emasculating men and turning them into pale and effeminate milquetoasts who cower behind their wives’ skirts.
We cannot have this! “Stand up, stand up for Jesus!” as the old hymn says and serve meat at every meal. Men love meat, plain and simple. Of course, I do not mean they love it prepared plain and simple although some men do, and you will need to know what will please your husband’s appetite and follow his cues in that regard. Rather, a passion for flesh is what drives the desires of real men, men who are created in the image and likeness of God.
Clearly, the Lord approves of gustatory pleasure as He put all those stupid animals on this earth for this very purpose. I mean, they don’t even have souls, and they’re so dirty when they are alive. Animals are much better off when they are dead and processed into something comely, such as a ham steak. Let us remember that our first parents, Adam and Eve, were placed in garden replete with succulent animals be enjoyed, but, sadly, Eve, the first vegetarian, ruined that for us by choosing to eat fruit, and now we have to watch our waistlines, work, and die. Thanks, Eve.
Finally, Ye Brides of Modesty, let me lean in and take your dainty little hands in mine as I whisper a secret to you that only the happily married woman can know. If your husband’s appetites are sated in the kitchen, you will have less trouble with those obligations that only the married woman must endure in the bedroom. Save yourself a lot of trouble and mess; make mealtime an adventuresome and meaty romp!
P.S. in the Lord,
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