My Dear, Diminutive (in Spirit) Daisies of Deportment,
The Lord has spoken with me on my calling and divinely appointed mission at the present time. He would like for me to post in my blog on a monthly basis, rather than a weekly one, starting on May 1, 2020. You’ll see my very important message on the first of the month, so make sure to mark it down in your calendars. Why this change? You may ask. Well, really, being too inquisitive is not ladylike, but since you are so very depraved and vulnerable, at this time, I will offer an explanation.
You are aware that I have completed the first draft of my manuscript of The Mrs. Gladys Merriweather’s Young Ladies’ Guide to Venereal Etiquette. It is now time to spruce up and rewrite that book in gestation, so that my message can reach your eyes and ears at just the right time. The world is in upheaval, and the Lord has given it unto me that if the young ladies of this shadowy earth are not set on the path of righteousness most of you will be damned for all eternity, suffering horrors too unwholesome to mention, such as unwanted advances from lascivious, porcine-like creatures with large members. Even though, this is what you deserve for your incalculable crimes against purity, the Lord and I have determined it is the correct thing to do to allow you a shot at redemption. Why not? Fair’s fair, right?
That being said, I will be devoting my time and attention to the essential task of rewriting my etiquette guide, and until I am given further notice, I will proceed with the monthly blog post. I may repost some of my previous blogs on social media outlets, such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter to give those wenches of waywardness a chance to catch up. In the meantime, devote yourselves to good taste and modest dress. I’ll be in touch on May 1st!
Until then, Praise the Lord!
Mrs. Gladys Merriweather
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