Unfortunately, the uncouth masses of today are inclined to use their mouths and their tongues, in particular, for all sort of nasty things: slang speech, chewing gum, and most horrible of all, expressive tongue twitching.
Just the other day, a humble workman, Andy Darrigan, was at my home to do some painting. He relayed a quaint anecdote about his mother’s poor cooking skills, which was completely expected as he is quite loquacious. However, what he did next was not expected at all. To express his disgust with her “bone dry” baked chicken breast, he parted his thin lips, pointed his tongue, and began rapidly twitching it to-and-fro. My eyes were transfixed upon this horror to the extent that my mind blocked out everything else, except the pointed pink worm’s twitching in its moist ruby cave. Like a monster, the tongue took on a life of its own, so I heard nothing else of the story.
The next day, Andy was back on the job, and I offered him good counsel: do not show your tongue when you speak, or you could make someone vomit. The unrepentant tongue-twitcher did not comply. Instead, he increased his display of lingual alacrity by assaulting a lollypop with his flickering flesh prong.
Bile rose in my throat as this snake impersonator enacted his hijinks, but I did not retch. Rather, I pointed at the disgusting tongue and shouted, “No, no! You mustn’t do that!” Sadly, he or rather it was deaf to my pleas and seemed to take it all as a joke. I could do nothing except walk away and put my mind on something else.
Dear Readers, I beg you, please keep your tongues hidden inside your mouths where they belong. If you do this, you will be blessed beyond your wildest imaginings. Trust me.
Now, please share this post with all your companions, so that they may know this important piece of advice.
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