I woke up this morning nested in the plush pink carpet of my elegant prayer closet, surrounded by litter: banana cupcake liners, corn chip bags, and several crusty martini glasses. I have been wrestling with a rascal of a prayer burden for the past few days. I’ve lost track of time, but I’m pretty sure it was the day before yesterday when the Lord lay this weight upon my shoulders. Two sweet friends and sisters-in-Christ from the Christian Women’s Crusade for the Preservation of Female Virginity Prior to Marriage (CWCPFVPM) had come for brunch when one of them related a tawdry tale of adultery of the most reprehensible species.
A woman they knew from their small town of origin had an affair with the man who lived across the street from her. Her husband divorced her, which was right (as the only cause for divorce is adultery) and she moved across the street and married that other man. The “kicker” (as Titsy would say) is that these two men were brothers, identical twins, in fact—lookalikes in every way except one: the male member. Apparently, this woman preferred the more substantial of the two brothers. Now, clearly, even the verbalization of this pornographic palaver was in error, and I will address that in my next month’s blog post; however, the Lord, in his wisdom, has chosen to use this tragedy for good. As the Bible says, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” For whom, this will be good, I cannot say at this point, but I must “Trust and Obey” as the old hymn dictates.
I was very unsettled by this tale, bewildered that such a thing was possible and that it had come into my consciousness. We had enjoyed mimosas with our brunch. While I tidied up afterwards, lascivious images of a coital nature played in my mind as I stroked a dishtowel down the six-inch flute of my champagne glass. As you know, Companions in Decency, this was very unlike me, so I cried out to the Lord.
“Lord, help me! I can’t get that dirty story about the incestuous adulteress out of my mind,” I begged. Just then the Lord appeared in my kitchen.
“Pray for her,” he admonished, nonplussed.
“What? Oh, no, I don’t think that’s good idea,” I took off my rubber cleaning gloves and set them on the counter.
“Do you trust me?” The Lord stared at me. He was wearing a beaded headband. That was a new look for him.
“Why, yes, Lord, I do,” I replied.
“Then do as I say,” he quipped and disappeared.
I slipped into my baby-blue silk pajamas and took to my prayer closet right away. I sunk to my knees and began the crucible. “Lord, punish that dirty adulteress. May a meteor hit her house and kill her and her new husband as they romp in their lustful pleasure palace. May they both burn in hell for all eternity! May they suffer boils on their privates; may their privates decay and fall off! May this series of events repeat itself in a never-ending loop of misery.”
The Lord appeared and sat on my petite pink vanity stool. “That’s not really what I had in mind,” he said.
“Okay. Give me an example, then. More like their lives become a living hell? More like that?” I proffered. The Lord plucked a corn chip from an open bag and ate it pensively.
“No, more like, ‘Bless all the people involved in that situation. May they come to know peace and love.’ More like that,” he said and stretched out his legs. He was wearing tie-dye leggings. They were very colorful and not something I would ever anticipated seeing him in, but I have given up all expectations in that regard.
So, that is what I have been wrangling with the past few days. As soon as I start the blessing part, I see the nasty part, and I get sidetracked. It really makes more sense to me to go straight to the punishment. That’s how they’ll end up, right? Anyway, who knows the mind of the Lord. He’s quite unpredictable. As it is, I will need to address the matter of how this burden came to me in the first place when I next see that “friend” who told me about it. Until then, Most Adorable Guardians of Glandular Expression, we must tarry onward until our “better home in the sky” is purchased by our salvation.
Praise the Lord!
Comments