The Slutty Season

Dear Modest and Sober Vigilantes of the Marital Act,

It is now October, so that means we are entering the sexy season of the slut. Yes, all this month, filthy female degenerates are granted a social sanction to dress in all manner of costumes, such as the busty concubine of Satan, the witch. Slender sex-fiends might slither into skin-tight, red she-devil costumes, while the vamp will gravitate towards the lusty Lilith look.

Furthermore, be on guard against evil dreams infesting your sleep. This time of year, the succubus and incubus rove the brain waves of gentle women and men, causing them to have nasty dreams about private matters, possibly causing them to stray into the sin of Onan during the daytime hours.

Last, and most personally relevant to me, sinister sprites play pranks on the saved. Just this morning I found these demented drawings in my office. How childish these creatures are, making fun of fine women such as myself and my dear sweet sister-in-Christ, Mrs. Alma Parker. I shall not be provoked to wrath, though. No, I shall fight the good fight and stand firm in Christian self-control.

Mrs. Alma Parker

Mrs. Gladys Merriweather

I recommend extra-long prayer baths and fellowship dinners with the righteous ones as the means to combat these tools of the Devil who so persistently persecute the precious baby lambs of God such as ourselves.

I’ll keep you all in my prayers and please keep me in yours. Together, we'll conquer the slutty season!

AMEN!!!

Yours,

Gladys